euphoria rue monologue

The conversation on mental health amongst young women is sparse on-screen, and that's why Euphoria was refreshing for me, even if it was also destabilizing. Want more stories like this? These ideas of mine percolate the mind Trickle down my spine Swarm the belly, swelling to a blaze That's where the pain comes in Like a second skeleton Trying to fit beneath the skin I can't fit the feelings in Oh, every single night's alight With my brain What'd I say to her, why'd I say to her What does she think of me That I'm not what I ought to be That I'm what I try not to be It's got to be somebody else's fault I can't get caught If what I am is what I am 'cause I does what I does Then brother, get back 'Cause my breast's gonna bust open The rib is the shell and the heart is a yolk And I just made a meal for us both to choke on Every single night's a fight with my brain I just want to Feel everything I just want to Feel everything, Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=euphoria-2019&episode=s01e07, That is the absolute best description of depression I've ever seen. Most days, this world is too much for me, and like a Bizarro Ariel, I don't want to be where the people are; I want to be alone and warm, where I don't have to worry about health care premiums and my inevitable march toward death. I had a therapist once who said that these states will wax and wane. Maybe she can make other people feel more alone. Here's a rough copy of the monologue, I did my best to compress it! Rue's voice-over in Euphoria not only echoed that sentiment with gutting poignancy but also did so in a way that was so jarring to hear that it brought me to tears within minutes. And will only continue to be this way. Apparently, that's a sentiment I share with Rue, the protagonist of HBO's new series Euphoria, who is played to perfection by Zendaya. And the hardest part of that quest for silence is the knowledge that, with peace, comes an inevitable return to noise and monotony of anxiety. We "give it life again.". A fun trip for any Euphoria fan. Rue made me feel less alone. RUE: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I didn't ask to be born, is something I often think in my darkest moments—or at least, the ones where I'm feeling playful enough to joke about my own nonconsensual mortality. I'm anxious. I've never been able to put it into words before, This episode/ whole tv series is by far my favorite. Amazingly on point. The other thing about depression is it kind of collapses time. But it did sound a lot calmer than the way I would describe it. (Trigger warnings: anxiety, addiction. That passage and the first couple episodes of this show have fucked me up, which is why I wanted to share it, because the profundity with which it fucked me up means something; Euphoria struck a chord in me that didn't want to be struck, but that needed to be. https://soundcloud.com/delasola/euphoria, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=euphoria-2019&episode=s01e07. Apparently, that's a sentiment I share with Rue, the protagonist of HBO's new series Euphoria, who is played to perfection by Zendaya. "Then one day, for reasons beyond my control, I was repeatedly crushed over and over by the cruel cervix of my mother, Leslie. That these feelings were fixed and constant and would never end for the rest of my life. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Like, all the time. It's called WAX AND WANE! And when I panic, and I lose that battle to the unrelenting scream of anxiety, I often wish I could time travel—not back to middle school, not to my childhood, not even to when I was a baby (although being swaddled sounds tight as hell)—but back to the womb. Granted, I didn't realize until later what waxing and waning implied. In particular, the following bit of Rue's narration—delivered in a perfectly distressing monotone by Zendaya—playing over a scene in which she experiences a panic attack, brought me to tears: This monologue led to a scene of Rue getting high, experiencing her two seconds of "euphoria," and a new, similarly heartbreaking narrative stunner: I mean, fuck. :). But typically, it's glazed over. (Trigger … The amount of abject terror I hold in my chest every day can be isolating; it's hard to not feel alone when I'm sobbing in a fetal position on my couch, begging God, or the moon, or an alien overlord—whoever is responsible up there—to make me normal, and to give me the mental tools that it seems like most people were naturally equipped with in order to deal with existing as a person in a body. I identify with this like an influencer identifies with memes about pizza. But the underlying sentiment here—I get it. Press J to jump to the feed. Which gave my mother relief, because it meant that in the bad times, there would be good times. HBO's Euphoria: A group of high school students try to discover their own identities while dealing with drugs, trauma, love, and social media. We don't tap into that darkness, that looming, ceaseless nature of anxiety, and how hard our fights feel—because anxiety is exhausting. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. She suffers so often and so fervently from anxiety and panic attacks, that she despairingly tries to allay it through the use of drugs. So you find yourself trying to … Being alive is hard. Upon watching the first two episodes, I was actually happy—and by "happy," I mean devastated—to see the things I feel and endure mirrored on my smudgy laptop screen. Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop. The show is imperfect, but it speaks to what it means to feel unstable. I put up a good fight, but I lost for the first time—but not the last.". I put together a whole music mix using Rue's dialogue from the entire season and music from the series. But slowly, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. Suddenly, you find your whole days blending together to create one endless and suffocating loop. RUE: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Please see the link below for the full script, many thanks to kodapup2019 for the find. (The script then includes the lyrics from Fiona Apple's song, Every Single Night:), Every single night I endure the flight of little wings of white-flamed butterflies in my brain. That's sus! Sign up for our newsletter. This isn't my experience: I don't use drugs like Rue, and I'm privileged to have never suffered from addiction. ), "I was once happy, content, sloshing around in my own primordial pool," Rue says in the pilot's opening narration. So you find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy. It always confused me, because I didn't really know what it meant. That monologue told us everything we needed to know about Rue and her afflictions: This is a depressed person. Sure, there are rare positive and accurate portrayals of people with mental health issues, like in Silver Linings Playbook, or in The Skeleton Twins. At least, she—and Euphoria—can get us talking to each other, get the dialogue started. Shut Up, Brain is a column by Jill Gutowitz in which she looks at everything from pop culture phenomena to the quirks of interpersonal relationships through the lens of someone who lives with anxiety. Very sad, and I am exhilarated by how much I related to the whole thing. There's no limit to what I've tried and what I will try in search of a nanosecond of peace in my chest. This is not the kind of thing we see often on film and TV. I'm not looking for an anxiety cure-all—because that feels out of reach—I'm simply looking for moments of respite, slivers of peace in a Sisyphean battle with my own brain. And it definitely sensationalizes drug addiction, in that it makes a pretty good case as to why we should all be as fucked up as possible all the time. And I panic. Check it out! Now, I have to admit, I was initially skeptical of Euphoria; it's a dark series about the toils of modern teenage girlhood—which was created by a man. I wish I had something positive to say about how it gets better, but I don't. I would smash thedouble-tap if this monologue was written in girlish script on Instagram. The other thing about depression is it kind of collapses time. Still, though, Euphoria illustrates anxiety in ways that I haven't seen before on TV—especially when it comes to young women. And eventually, all you can think about is how life has always been this way. But it also gave her anxiety because it meant that in the good times, there would be bad times.

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